Share your jokes!!!! -- Mature Subject Matter

[troyharper]

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say,..."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

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[racer56]

How many Columbian's does it take to stop the Daytona 500 ? .......



JUAN

[troyharper]

Longest Nerve In The Body




Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the @$$hole?
It's called the anal optic nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a crappy outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eyes.

That ends today’s lesson. No need to thank me. Glad to be of service.

[troyharper]

Ethnic joke

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner, a New Englander, and a Californian), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47 Africans,

walk into a fine restaurant....

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', scrutinizing the group one by one and barring
their entrance, "You can't come in here without a Thai."

[troyharper]

Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of the members of the United States Senate and the House of Representatives.

It will be named the “Congressman”.


It doesn't work and you can't fire it. . . (S *#T..!)

[DEZERTSUB]

An American businessman heads to Japan for a big meeting. His first night in Japan, he's feeling kinda lonely so he finds a willing Japanese girl (who don't speak a lick of English by the way) and convinces her to go back to his hotel room.

Things are getting downright dirty, when the Japanese girl starts passionately screaming "Nachigiana!!" repeatedly. The American isn't sure what that means, but judging by her enthusiasm, it's gotta be a good thing, so he just keeps at it.

The next day, it's off to the big meeting, which goes so well the Japanese businessmen take him out for a round of golf to celebrate their new business venture. On the third hole, one of the Japanese men sinks a beautiful 20 foot putt, and everyone is congratulating him, but the American is feeling kinda left out, so he yells out "Nachigiana!!" and smiles.

All the Japs turn and look at him, and one finally asks, "what the hell do you mean, wrong hole?"

[scottm]

The other day, when Joe Biden heard that (censored by pc popo) had died, he ran down the hall of the White House yelling, "I'm the f.....g President!"

[hammer down racing]

A recently divorced guy picked up a hooker and took her to a hotel. They haggled on price and finally came to an agreement of $200 for straight up sex. The hooker turned around and started undressing as the man sat on the bed. When the hooker turned around the guy was feverishly masturbating. Shocked, the hooker said, "What the hell are you doing?" the man replied, "For two hundred bucks, your not gonna get the easy one."

[MARXICO]

Whats the chances of a NASCAR driver hitting a jet drier?

Juan in 42

[MARXICO]

Socially Unacceptable Humor


I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest pen!s she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling
my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume
she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going
fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should
change dentists?

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking
behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she
would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not
listening".

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes
back.

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost
by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?
Apparently the correct answer was Africa!!!

One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing
commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct
answer either.

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but
I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new
bomber jackets.

A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his
girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said
"Her brother's got a mustache."

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on
Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing
I know 4,000 dumbass Muslims have added me as a friend!!

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I
said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in
my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular
people-porn, you sick bastard.

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help
towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our
garden hose only reaches the driveway.