Out Of BAJA!…JOY And TERROR IN LESS THAN A WEEK

[Lucho]

How I got into a mess with Amazon-like women, and lived to tell about it.

Sunday, 6/8 - 4 a.m. Just got back from a week in hell.

The 500 was over. We finished the race, but late. We had a few problems, yata, yata, yata…You know how that goes. Nevertheless, we finished and we’re still in first place in Class. So, that’s good.

Last Sunday the team decided to take off and go back home. They were beat and it was understandable. But I wanted to hang around for one more day and have fun, drink a few brews, just relax. Bummer, most had to go back to work on Monday.
After our car finished at 4:30 a.m. (Sunday morning), I felt cheated of not having had any post-race celebration--we were all beat. So I bid goodbye to the crew and stayed back, keeping the pre-runner, trailer and truck.
Well, it’s no fun going out drinking or partying without your buddies. So I decided to lay back Sunday and get an early start on Monday morning to do some reconnoitering.

In particular, I wanted to go over the “summit” once again and find that short-cut I queried about at the driver’s meeting (which I found many years ago while pre-running with one of the factory riders. I won’t say who he is because he’s a good friend and still races). Nonetheless, I was sure that I would find the spot just off the Cohabusco Wash, which cuts about 13 miles off to get to Tres Posos.

Monday morning was beautiful in Ensenada. Weather was cool and I figured my trip would take me a few hours, go over into Laguna Salada and I would wind up heading south in the afternoon to San Felipe for another day or two of R&R, then head back to Ensenada, load up and drive home.. Great plan!
I packed my cooler with good stuff; sandwich meat, munchies, ice, drinks, Tecates. Also took an extra jug of water, and my gear. Strapped them all on the rack, made sure my radio, GPS and sat-phone were working, and took off.

Before driving out of town I stopped at a Farmacia Alfonso (Pharmacy) for some snake bite lotion, Ibuprofen and Cymbalta, which is my prescription. It was a good omen that I stopped there, as I was able to get all my supplies including the Cymbalta at a great discount. I pay about $180.00 for a month's supply and the Farmacia Alfonso had Cymbalta for $80.00! Big time savings. I said give me another month’s supply. While paying, the pharmacist said, “I’ve also got a good deal. I’ve got a special on the little blue pills for $5.00 each!” Holly Toledo! At my age, I usually need a double-doze of those suckers at about $16.50 a piece. That’s major savings. This is my day! So I ordered two dozen. Hell my wife’s eyes are going to pop out when I tell her what a deal I made. It’s going to be a great day in Baja. Got back on the highway and headed for Independencia for a quick breakfast of fine burritos and machaca, and a cold Coke Cola. By 10 a.m. I was at Nuevo Junction and ready to make the climb over the Summit.
Checked everything around the pre-runner, strapped myself secure with the five-point harness, adjusted my helmet and off I went.
Man that area is beautiful and when you’re not racing you have time to see all the beauty and majesty of the mountains. I even saw a Cimarron, way atop a hill, looking down on me. He must have said, “what in the hell is that dummy doing down there, the race is over.”
Nonetheless, about 40 minutes later I reached the summit overlooking the valley below and parts of Laguna Salada. I had packed my computer in my backpack, so I took it out and looked at Goggle Earth where I had earlier downloaded the area I wanted to find. There it was the wash below and the spot where almost 20 years ago I had found a short-cut along with my friend. I zoomed close, took a reading from where I was to the spot I though the cut-off was located. Yeap! That’s it! I estimated the mileage and looked at the mileage on my GPS. Ok, so now I know approximately where the turnoff might be found.
So re-packed everything and headed down. I didn’t realize how steep it was, even after I’ve been over it many times in the last 30 years. It’s still impressive, and a butt-pucker.
Got to the bottom and the SCORE markers were still there. Got to the spot where you can turn a sharp left to get out of the sand wash, or go right and stay in the wash. I had to stay to the right because that’s the only way I would find the cut-off to Tres Posos. Temperatures were around 90 degrees, not too bad for the area. I drove for about a half an hour and as if by magic, where I thought the cut-off would be located, there it was!
I got out of the pre-runner, checked the stuff on the rack, made sure it was still secured, took a big gulp of water, surveyed the area, and directly in front of me, was a road, albeit faintly visible, but if you learn to read the desert, it was a road heading directly towards this little canyon. I wasn’t wrong. There WAS a cut-off after all.

Heck, I'm in E.R. and the doctor just called me in. Gotta go. Be back later…

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[TreyP]

Hmmm, this could be good.

[LTL220]

??????What happened???????

You're in the E.R.?????

[Go Poly]

.....I'm waiting.......the suspense is killing me....

[Josh @ DanZio]

yah!!! We haven't even got to the amazon-like women yet!!! You are killing me!!

[Vtr_Racing]

How I got into a mess with Amazon-like women, and lived to tell about it.




Heck, I'm in E.R. and the doctor just called me in. Gotta go. Be back later…

Lou, I tried to warn you about the BIG hispanic guy who doesnt like white guys taking that short cut! I guess you didnt get my text.

[onebuilder]

Hmmm In the ER? Hope everything is OK.

[dan200]

Almost four hours later and we still have more questions than answers. Lucho, are you one of the writers for the TV show "Lost"?

[Dezertpilot]

Peyote?

[Lucho]

I’m back! The Doctor says I have problems, got to hang around a bit longer…but never mind that now. Let’s see, where was I?

Oh, yes, so I started up the canyon, slowly, making sure I stayed on the faint trail. It started to get less visible as I started to climb into the canyon, to the point where it all disappeared. The opening was there but it was mostly shale and volcanic rock. It was narrow and a couple of times I had to back up and find a good way to get my pre-runner through. I thought, “Maybe there’s no way out of the canyon.” After all I did it on a bike years ago, never on a buggy. I looked behind me and there was no area to go back and turn around. Too late. So I plugged on.

I was well into the canyon, about a mile and half into it, when I came up on an old tire and what looked like to be a piece of an old plastic fender. Someone has been through here. I got excited. The canyon started to get wider. Whew! Maybe I’m past the tough stuff. I was in too deep into the canyon to turn back. I kept thinking, wouldn’t Sal be surprised to see this?
I went through another tight canyon but made it OK with the pre-runner. After about a mile I came to an opening, surrounded by major hills. It was a clearing of about a ¼ mile radius with a few trees and what looked to be a little pond at one end. I may have been hallucinating (I thought), but I was not feeling hot or thirsty. No, I was all right, until I got close to what looked like to be a small pond! Incredible, there it was a pond about 50 feet in diameter. Whoa! What a find!
I jumped out of the pre-runner and headed for one end of it. Water was clear, as if it was coming off a natural spring. I looked around at first and walked all the way around it. The water was clear but the bottom was rocky and sandy. I knelt down, touched the water and it was as fresh and cool as your best Beverly Hills bottled water. I cupped my hand and took a sip. Incredible! I went back to the pre-runner, opened up the cooler and took a swig off my COSTCO water. Then I went back to the pond and took another sip and man, they were basically the same—actually the pond water tasted better.
I don’t remember ever seeing this the last time I went through here. Maybe it wasn’t the exact same spot. That’s it, somewhere in my climb I took the wrong cut off on the trail.
Never mind, this was a terrific find. I went back to the pre-runner, got my Cannon out and shot pictures from every angle. I even positioned the camera atop the roof of the buggy, set the timer and took several photos of me with the pond in the background. “Nobody is ever going to believe this unless they see it in these photos,” I said to my self. I walked around the area and saw some signs that someone had been there. How long? I wouldn’t know. Certainly not recently, but someone had been in the area before. Probably the people who own Tres Posos. I bet that is the water the seeps down through the substructure and winds up at Tres Posos some eight or so miles away. I’ve tasted that water before and I remember it was just as good.

Temperatures were now hovering around the 100 degree mark, so I said to myself, “why not? I’ll take a dip, cool off and finish my quest to get through to Tres Posos.
Went back to the buggy and before taking my clothes off, I decided to mark this as a way-point on my GPS, just so that I can remember the next time I return. I know I’m taking all my buddies there. Hell, I may even invite old “Pescado.”

Naked as a J-Bird I slid into the pond and it was terrific. I must have played in that delicious water for about a half an hour. Diving down to touch the bottom, which I estimated, must be at least 20-25 feet deep. During one of my dives I put my hand on an opening in a rock and there it was, the breach where water was coming through. In my excitement, I opened my eyes wide to see it better and forgot that I had contacts on. Before I could shut them, the contacts were gone. Oh, well. The camera had captured what I wanted to see. No problem. I had another set in my overnight bag.
Finally, I got out of the pond and walked over to the pre-runner. Immediately, I thought there was something wrong. Didn’t know what, yet, but something was not the same.
Then it dawn on me. Where in the hell are my clothes? Where are my bags? My shoes?
S&#t, what’s happening? I looked around to see if there was someone around playing a prank. I started yelling. Hey, where are you? Louder, “hey, anybody hear me?” “Bring my fu@#&ng clothes back!”
Nothing! No sounds, no movement, just the echo of my voice reverberating off the canyon walls.
I went for the cooler and it was gone! S*#t! This is getting serious. It’s over 100 degrees, no clothes, no food, no shoes, nothing to drink except pond water. I went for my sat-phone, and it, too, was gone. The GPS was still mounted on the dash and my camera was lying in the ground about ten feet from the buggy. Whoever took all my stuff must have dropped it while exiting. I could see foot prints, but because the sandy soil was soft, I could not see the type of track (shoes, sandals, etc.) left behind.
I grabbed the camera and walked back to the pre-runner. What a picture, this naked, fat-old man sitting in a buggy without a stitch of clothes in the middle of Bum-F&%k-Egypt. I actually started laughing imagining such a crazy picture in my head. The laughter soon gave way to the realization that whoever is playing this prank had the best of me. If they had only left my shoes back, I could walk around to see if I can find foot tracks. If you’ve ever heard of a “tender-foot” that’s me. I can hardly walk barefooted on a carpet, let alone on pavement or asphalt. It’ll be impossible over rocky sand and rocks. You might as well have cut off both my legs than to have taken my shoes.
I had to recompose myself. Got in the pre-runner to get out of the heat and get shade. Just me, my Cannon and my naked body.
Sat there quietly for what seemed to be an hour, trying to hear any noise. Somebody must be hiding somewhere having a great laugh about this.
I started thinking, maybe it’s the guys in the Team. Maybe they didn’t go back to L.A. They had heard me talk about this canyon, and they decided to follow me. When the time was opportune, they hiked to this area and took all my clothes. That’s it. They’re here somewhere just having a great time at my expense. I started yelling: “All right, you fu@#ers, give me back my clothes. I know you’re here!” “Hey you dick - heads, get down here and give me back my s#%t!” Nothing!

I could go back to Cohabusco Wash. Maybe Sal and his crew are cleaning up the course, taking off ribbons and arrows…aah, uhm…No, that’ll never happen in a million years!“ I also thought, maybe some racer lost a wheel, tools, a fender along the wash, and they’re looking for it. It could happen.” "I’ll turn around and go back."
By now it was about 4 p.m. No shoes, no clothes, no food, nothing, just a camera, the buggy and a naked 66-year-old body. I started the pre-runner and moved it towards an opening in the canyon, but rather than going back I figured I had traveled at least one half of the mountain range. I’ll continue east and get through to Tres Posos. I’m sure someone will be there, and if not, I’ll just head towards the highway about eleven miles due east. So what if I’m naked. I’ll stay in the buggy until I find someone with a large hat!

As I was starting to leave, I decided to give this spot one last look. It was like paradise if everything had remained the same. Right now, it was more like hell for me.
I took a couple of photos again, just to make sure I had something to show when I got back home. They’ll never believe what I’ve been through.
I decided to check the photos I had taken earlier just to make sure I had covered all sides. Then something struck me odd.
The auto-photos I took of myself while next to the pond revealed something strange in the background. I looked at them a couple of times, but without my contacts they were hard to detect. I hit the zoom button and made the images larger. I actually had to go to the biggest zoom to be able to see the photo.

There it was! My mouth dropped and started shaking. I looked at it in silence for minutes. Changing frames forward and backwards, zooming in and out. Those photos of me in the pond revealed something else.
Hard to believe, but among the rocks and vegetation there it was. A face! A white face. A blond, with long hair. A face in the rocks. What in the f@#k I’m talking about? That can’t be it. I looked and looked again. S h I t. That’s a face. That’s a face of a blond woman! I didn't know what was coming out of me. I was not over exposed to the heat. My brain was thinking alright. That’s a blond in the background looking at me next to the pond!!!


I was about...What? OK, Doc, I'll be right there…Got to go. Going for another test. Be back later.