Share your jokes!!!! -- Mature Subject Matter

[DEZERTSUB]

A cannibal was walking through the Amazon jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

+ Tourist: $5

+ Broiled Missionary: $10.00

+ Fried Explorer: $15.00

+ Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00


The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politicians?"

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of s**t, it takes all morning."

 

[DEZERTSUB]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

I thought after all the ongoing debates that have gotten out of hand (I took part in many I know I'm sorry ) that we could read some humor and get some laughs.
Look forward to reading some funnies.

 

[michael_loomis]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

great thread.. I'm sure I'll will laughing just as hard as some of the debate threads in no time!

Right now I'm drawing a blank trying to catch up on the OTHER threads before THEY get locked, but i'll be back fo sho!

 

[200MPHTape]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

I'm Irish, so I can say this!
What does a seven course Irish meal consist of?
































































Six pack and a potato!

 

[chicken lips the ocho]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

why did they named the beer XX dos exis?

because every mexican needs a co signer

relax me mexicano

 

[fathead]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

Oldie, but clean...

Duck walks into a bar.
" Can I get a beer" Bartender says "we don't serve ducks here, you need to leave"
Next day, duck walks into same bar, " Can I get a beer" Bartender says "we don't serve ducks here, come in here again, and I'll nail your feet to the floor"
Third day, duck walks into same bar, " Got any nails?" Bartender looks puzzled, " No we don't have any nails"








The duck says " SWEET, Now can I get a beer?"

 

[tre5]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

This guy walks into a bar.

He says, ouch.

 

[michael_loomis]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

Bear walks into a bar, Bartender looks up, "what can I getcha??"

Bear: "Ill Have a...

... beer."

Bartender: "Why the long pause?"

Bear: *lifts paws into the air* "cause, I'm a bear, you idiot!"

 

[cheap jeep creep]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

I'm Irish, so I can say this!
What does a seven course Irish meal consist of?
































































Six pack and a potato!

a six pack? what are you a half breed or what? maybe 2 six packs!! im irish to im ok to say that.

 

[Tony_Barraza]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

Keeping with the "bar" theme...

A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender turns to him and says "Hey guy, why the long face?"

 

[DEZERTSUB]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

Keeping with the 'bar' theme, and since bears were mentioned...

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.


The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."


The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, ....."We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."


The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."


The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."


The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.


The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.

"The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs.

The bartender says, "You are now. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,That was a
barbitchyouate."

 

[chicken lips the ocho]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

a baker puts 12 muffins in an oven and turns on the tempature

1 muffin says: man its getting hot in here, then the muffin next to him says: WOW a talkin muffin


very dumb joke but i still like it

 

[swiftracing5]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

Keeping with the "bar" theme...

A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender turns to him and says "Hey guy, why the long face?"

Ive heard it with horse substituted with John Kerry.

 

[hammer down racing]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?




We better get some support around here or people will think we're nuts.

 

[DEZERTSUB]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

THAT was great.
Hooray for boobies...that are in all the right places.


HEY...speaking of that....
Why do cowboys have s**t in their moustaches???

Looking for love in all the wrong places....
(to the tune of Johnny Lee song)

 

[tre5]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

Another dumb one for you guys.

Did you here about the new pirate movie?





























it's rated RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

 

[dan200]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

A biker walks into a store and says to the clerk "Hey, do you sell tampons?"

"Yea, They are back on aisle 7...top shelf on the right." replies the clerk.

"Thanks" and he heads off to aisle 7

A few minutes later the biker return to the cashier and places his items on the counter. There is a roll of toilet paper, some cotton balls, and a sewing kit.

"It's none of my business" says the clerk "but didd't you sa you were looking for tampons?"

"Yep but last night she was supposed to pick me up a pack of smokes and she brought me a pouch of tobacco and some rolling papers instead. I figure if I gotta roll my own so does she..."

(stolen from easyrider mag)

 

[dan200]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

How many strippers does it take to screw in a light bulb?























One, she just holds it while the world revolves around her.

 

[SimonSays]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

"why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"



"Arrrrr its drivin me nuts."

 

[trent06]

Re: Share your jokes!!!!

Heres mine for now, I hope at least one person gets a laugh....

A man arrives home from work to see his wife passed out in the middle of the living room with a sweat puddle all around her. Her wakes her up, and asks what is the matter? She replies I am just tired of all these blond jokes I wanted to prove that not all blondes are stupid. So I painted the entire living room. The husband then replies I see that but why are you wearing two jackets. The woman replies, the directions say for best finish put on two coats.