(812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
(416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
(405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
(214): She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
(714): we're chasing vodka with high fives
(540): she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
(803): youve hit the jackpot