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Valentines day sayings

Mike_HKmtrsprts

Well-Known Member
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I cant take credit for these I just found them and thought they were funny(HK Motorsports is NOT responsible if you use these).

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my wh**e.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
 

Waldo

Safehouse
Those are classic...they remind me of some old Irish sayings!

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan.
"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without
interruption for about forty years," said the Finnegan.

BRAAAAAAAAP!
 

Tyson

Well-Known Member
Well not really Valentines day stuff, but pretty funny just the same. This was e-mailed to me the other day.

> > > > |^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\ ||
> > > > | B u d w e i s e r | ||'""|""\__,
> > > > | _____________ l ||__|__|___|) >
> > > > (@! )'! (@)"""""**|(@)(@)****|(@)
> > > >
> > > > 16 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE
> > > > SERVED AT WORK...
> > > >
> > > > > 1. It's an incentive to show up.
> > > > > 2. It leads to more honest communications.
> > > > > 3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
> > > > > 4. Employees tell management what they think,
> > > > > not what they want to hear.
> > > > > 5. It encourages car pooling.
> > > > > 6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a
> > > > > bad job, you don't care.
> > > > > 7. It eliminates vacations because people would
> > > > > rather come to work.
> > > > > 8. It makes fellow employees look better.
> > > > > 9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
> > > > > 10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises
> > > > > when they are wasted.
> > > > > 11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
> > > > > 12. Employees work later since there's no longer
> > > > > a need to relax at the bar.
> > > > > 13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
> > > > > 14. Eliminates the need for employees to get
> > > > > drunk on their lunch break.
> > > > > 15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
> > > > > 16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no
> > > > > longer be seen as gross."
>
> *** HEAVEN AT WORK ***





You may beat me in the flats, but watch out in the whoops! ! !
 

JenDiggityDirt

Well-Known Member
OK, in the spirit of the coming holiday, this one was sent to me the other day...
Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's dayis for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" David's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to? "Osama Bin Laden," David says "Why Osama Bin Laden?" his father asks in shock. "Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy couldhave enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride. "David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the CRAP out of him."

<font color=red>JEN!</font color=red>
 

Tyson

Well-Known Member
I have some more but I couldn't find them when I was at work, I'll look now.


You may beat me in the flats, but watch out in the whoops! ! !
 

Tyson

Well-Known Member
I found this one its old though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BEFORE and AFTER falling in love~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BEFORE - You take my breath away BEFORE - Feathers and handcuffs
AFTER - I feel like I'm suffocating AFTER - Ball and chain

BEFORE - I love a woman with curves BEFORE - He's completely lost without me
AFTER - I never said you were fat AFTER - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

BEFORE - Croissant and cappuccino
AFTER - Bagel and instant coffee BEFORE - Time stood still
AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere
BEFORE - You look so seductive in black
AFTER - Your clothes are so depressing BEFORE - Once upon a time
AFTER - The end
BEFORE - Oysters
AFTER - Fishsticks BEFORE - Twice a night
AFTER - Twice a month
BEFORE - She says she loves the way I
take control of a situation BEFORE - Saturday Night Fever
AFTER - She called me a controlling, AFTER - Monday Night Football
manipulative egomaniac

BEFORE - Don't stop BEFORE - $60/doz.
AFTER - Don't start AFTER - $1.50/stem

BEFORE - Turbocharged
AFTER - Jumpstart

BEFORE - We agree on everything BEFORE - Victoria's Secret
AFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own? AFTER - Fruit-of-the-Loom







You may beat me in the flats, but watch out in the whoops! ! !
 
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